Resolution Fail

Under the pressures of money, time, work and a general dislike for myself, my resolution has buckled. I'm sorry to let you down.

Its not like I haven't done anything new though. Just nothing desperately life changing.

Golders hill park is beautiful. I realised going there counts as new, even though I now go there three times a week because I work there. Its come out in colour since that thing called the sun which I'd forgotten existed re emerged. I sit in a bay window of Anna Pavlova's old house playing the piano whilst limbs fly past my eyes and watch how it makes the world alter totally just by shining in a different place and on different things.

I've been to the ballet at the Royal Opera House twice this week. If you've never been, do it. And dont start with something long and heavy, go and see the three shorts. Urban Living/Infra/Rushes is just wonderful. The first one of the three is a let down, more mime than ballet i felt, but the expression in the second two is rife, involving, vigorous, beautiful. The shapes Sarah Lamb can make you see are uninaginable, so continuous and forward moving you think they might not stop. The strength and elegance of the bodies of these people is something i hope I never cease to marvel at. If you are up for crying (and you wont be able to help yourself) go and see Romeo and Juliet. The double pas de deux is something else.

Leaving london occasionally is something everyone should do. The richness of life here makes me numb. I am tempted to lock myself in my prison cell of a bedroom and never re-emerge. But im not going to.

Also. Walk through trafalgar square in the middle of the night. Look at london when there is no particular light to look at it in, except that of the moon and the polution, and see someone else in the light of that quiet. There are some moments you just have to live for, to live in, to reach out and touch, and not whittle away with worry of the consequences.